The habits of bad television commercials

You've heard of road rage, you've heard of 'roid rage - well, you can put ad rage on the list too: a New Zealand man went on the warpath after seeing a commercial that poked fun at the Kiwi accent, abusing staff at the company (Knockonwood) who created the ad then assaulting an employee at WIN, the network that aired the commercial.

The advert is pretty bloody terrible. Check it out here.

While I don't endorse violence, I do feel for the poor guy. I think we all know what it's like to stare at our television in horror, stunned at just how bad a commercial we've seen is, and swearing off whatever brand or service it advertises - this guy just went too far. Heck, if I went after those responsible every time I suffered a little ad rage, I'd have a higher kill count than Dexter. The key is learning to control those angry tendencies. Take a deep breath. In. Out.

Still, certain things can set me off - aside from terrible Kiwi accents, here are a few other advert clichés that will get me raging at my telly. Let's call them the Seven Habits of Bad Television Commercials:

Loud, shouty voices accompanied by loud, shouty jingles!
If Harvey Norman was a real person and I could ask him a single question, I would ask him this: Why are you yelling at me? Do you want me to buy your stuff or not?! Then there's the Shotgun Supplements guy. Let me say this: if one of the side effects of taking supplements is THATIWILLENDUPTALKINGLIKETHISATALLTIMES, then count me out.

Awkward monologues from people who probably shouldn't be on TV
I'll never understand why some companies let their employees on screen - I mean, it's nice that Bunnings Warehouse wants to include their lower level staff, and that the Lighting Plus bosses want to save a few bucks by using someone they know, but you should always leave your campaign in the hands of experts. Unless your expert is Richard Till. Please, in the name of all that is good and pure, stop letting him front your commercials, Countdown.

Bad versions of even worse songs
There is nothing worse than having your favourite show go to a commercial break, then having "When you wanna do poos and wees" blare out of your speakers to the tune of MC Hammer's U Can't Touch This. No, Huggies. Just ... no. And what was going through State Insurance's mind when they decided to turn Matthew Wilder's Break My Stride into a morality tale about the benefits of solid contents and vehicle insurance? They definitely weren't thinking "let's make a decent advert".

Bad computer effects
The Big Save Furniture lady isn't exactly fronting a quality campaign at the best of times. Yet, the advertisements took a turn for the worse when they started having her fly around on carpets and turn into a giant. I might just be fussy, but I think it's better to have no computer effects than have bad computer effects.

Trying to make something normal seem special
We're on to you, Briscoes. Your commercials might proclaim that this weekend's big sale is a one-off ... but we all know there'll be another next weekend. Along the same lines ...

Trying to make something weird seem normal
Have you seen those drug-driving ads? You know the ones - a couple of actors climb into a minivan being driving by another actor, who says things like "man, I just dropped an eckie" or "wow, I really shouldn't be driving after taking this many pills". Word to the wise: if the driver you just met for the first time ever is saying "I just dropped an eckie", they probably haven't.

Involving a pegasus when the situation doesn't call for it
Oh, Moro - your chocolatey goodness can't be beaten - but those commercials ("Caramel! Nougat! ... pegasus!") have to stop. They're unwatchable. You have to stop. I didn't want to do this, but ... I'll switch to Mars. I'll do it.

What are your most hated adverts right now? What sort of things will turn you off a bad television commercial?

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